Robson's Raw Thoughts 19th April 2006

Joey Styles welcomes us to Raw as we’re joined by none other than the chairman of the board Vincent K McMahon. Will Mr McMahon go to hell? That’s what he’s asking us; Vince hopes that he has offended us by last weeks church going actions. Vince claims he’s not going to hell, why? Because he ended up where he is now, somewhere in St Louis, cheap heat right there. Vince is now setting up his own religion; McMahonism! I want in! He is the “lord, master and god of all sports-entertainment”, you’re right there. We’re all followers because we buy tickets, nice to know. We’re treated to the McMahonism version of Michelangelo’s Sistine chapel and Vince at the last supper, aren’t religious undertones just great? No? “Boring! Boring!” - the crowd have got this right. Tonight we’re all allowed to convert to McMahonism, we can be disciples of McMahonism, but Shawn Michaels isn’t converting; until Backlash that is, when he falls at the feet of the boss. Vince asks to be struck down if he’s lying. Nothing. What about a sign? Nothing. The god of McMahonism promises victory and wham eat some sweet chin music Vinnie. Shawn back to the ring and gives Vince the DX crotch chop!

Nice little segment here, nice to see Shawn actually get something in on Vince after months of getting screwed. Vince doesn’t half love himself, but the Shawn attack was cool.

Triple H sees Vince backstage and tells Vince to lay off the god stuff, and books Edge and Cena against Hunter, I smell a swerve.

Rob Conway’s in the ring and he’s had enough if being a punching bag. The next person to disrespect him will be dealt with… boom! Kane’s makes is way to the ring and kicks the shit out of Conway. Unfortunately this week we can’t hear what Kane’s thinking, maybe that’ll come later in the evening. The announcers refer to the voices, could they hear them too? Chokelsam 1-2-3. Kane grabs Lillian, but here comes Show, I love Show in a tracksuit. Show gets the chokeslam this week and now two spots have been blown away for nothing. If you didn’t know, Kane’s film is out May 19^th.

We get a package of the Chavo quitting the business, wise move my friend, wise move. JR returns to Raw for the first time since he was ‘fired’ as he interviews Chavo. Chavo says his decision was done in haste, but he let Eddie and everyone down by loosing to Shelton Benjaman and he feels he has made the right decision. Chavo is a damn good interview and a damn fine worker, hopefully they’ll continue to use him. Chavo says it’s all he has ever wanted but he has let down his family. JR says Eddie would be disappointed in Chavo quitting, but Chavo still sees it as the right idea and his wrestling career has come to an end. I like this storyline, as long as they don’t do something stupid with the Eddie reference a la Smackdown.

We’re informed that Lillian has gone to the back after the trauma suffered thanks to Kane, so we’re treated to Coach as ring announcer, unfortunately he’ll be doing colour as well. Shelton’s out first for his match. If RVD wins, Shelton gets MITB shot at Backlash and if he looses he puts the IC belt on the line. His opponent is Charlie Hass! History folks and they’re referencing it! A few nice spots, with Hass flipping over the rope but Shelton making him land on his knee. Shelton focuses on the back whipping him into the steps and hitting a scoop slam on the floor. It’s chin lock time, man this annoys me, you’re working on the back, use a move which hurts the back! At least Hass looks a little different from when we last saw him and he’s no longer just a guy in tights. Crowd even starts chanting for Charlie! Shelton hits rolling thunder, totally mocking RVD, at least they’re doing something to further that feud, Shelton’s looking good in there as is Hass. The mocking continues as he goes for five star, but Shelton misses, Hass roles him up and 1-2-3! Hass wins! It’s Shelton vs RVD at Backlash for the IC Title. Shelton’s IC Champ by the way.

Vince is pissed backstage and Osama (I can’t spell nor remember hi name) and tells us he has convereted and he’s happy to donate Umaga and it will be Umaga going up against Shawn tonight. Shelton comes in begging for help and now he wants to convert, mainly so he doesn’t have to defend the title at the PPV. Vince says he likes people on his knees before him, therefore he’s going to help Shelton.

Umaga’s out first with Osama followed by HBK Shawn Michaels. They’re really pushing the religious part of the McMahon/Michaels feud and it doesn’t appeal to me at all. This is the top of the hour match by the way. One minute in and we’re joined by Vince at ringside as Umaga has control of Shawn on the outside. Vince takes a seat and a mic and sits at ringside. Shawn’s making Umaga look pretty damn good, put him the ring with anyone else and I think he’s going to suck. Shawn goes for the usual HBK comeback and hits two forearms to take Umaga down, flying elbow but Vince stops sweet chin music and Umaga manages to regain control, he begins to decimate Shawn and gets himself disqualified. Vince tells them to leave as he’s going to finish of Michaels himself. Vince ties HBK up in the ropes and grabs the chair he was sat on until god intervenes! God, in the form of a pyro from the ring post stops Vince entering the ring, then a huge one on the ramp. Don’t insult my intelligence Vince come on.

A video package is shown of Austin/Rock from April 1999. This does nothing except make you realise what’s missing from today’s product.

Matt Striker doesn’t agree as he’s out for his classroom segment. He says his students could tell him what happened on Raw, bet they couldn’t these days. He insults the St Louis crowd, calling them thick etc. “School is cool” is Striker’s new motto but it seems Carlito doesn’t agree and he knows what cool is. Striker has stolen Carlito’s apple and Carlito lets us know that he was more concerned with being cool than doing well at school. He once spat apple in his teacher’s face and became cool, he threatens to do the same to Striker but Striker says he’s going to beat down Carlito. Carlito spits anyway but Masters interrupts and hits the Masterlock on Carlito.

RVD’s out with his modified briefcase for a handicap match with the tag champs, everyone’s favourites the Spirit Squad. It’s five on one and if RVD looses he has to defend the MITB against Shelton at Backlash (as well as the IC Title being on the line). Johnny hits the leg drop and pins RVD after some initial fighting off by RVD. Thanks to Shelton’s conversion, it’s MITB vs IC Title at Backlash.

Maria interviews Trish (as Mickie) and she lets us know that Mickie (as Trish) has a surprise waiting for her in the ring.

Trish comes out (as Mickie) to Mickie’s music and invites Mickie (as Trish) for her present. This is bizarre but I like it. Mickie is freaked out and doesn’t want the present. Some dude is tied up and it’s Jack from the other week, you’ll be pleased to know he has now split up with Trish. Trish tells Mickie that if she was Trish she’d care about Jack, but if not she wouldn’t. I don’t get it, but Mickie does as she tells Trish to get her hands of Jack and attacks her, Trish comes back and leaves the ring. Mickie smacks Jack for cheating on her. This is whacky as hell. Poor poor Jack, he’s just an innocent bystander in all of this.

Edge and Lita are joined by Hunter backstage and Edge tells Hunter he’s getting pinned tonight (I doubt it), Hunter tells Edge that Cena is going to stab him in the back. Hunter tries to get Edge to hate Cena and get them fighting in their match later.

May 19^th continues to be pushed. Wow. See No Evil.

Backlash card is the triple threat, the holy tag match, RVD vs Shelton, Carlito vs Masters, Mickie vs Trish and Big Show vs Kane. Shaping up to be a nice PPV, it won’t be the greatest of all time, but there should be a few solid matches on there.

Main event time as Edge is out first with Lita. Hunter’s out second and Cena’s the last man out. Mixed reaction to Cena, despite King trying to tell us otherwise. Crowd mostly in Cena’s favour but there are a number of boos which are quite audible. Triple H hits the crotch chop, second of the evening, take note guys. Boos tend to be more audible now as Cena does his comeback but still 50% cheers. Yes, the crowd reaction is better than the match. Edge tags himself in and takes out his partner as Edge and Hunter go at it. Hunter gets all the offence in but Cena comes in and takes it to both guys. Boos become audible (as opposed to when the two heels were in the ring), ref bump and Hunter goes for sledgie. Takes it to Cena but Edge gets a spear and pins the game. Wow, didn’t see that coming at all. All three guys are actually looking strong going into this match and that’s something of a rarity.